I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me years ago — something that would have saved me from years of exhausting, well-intentioned striving.
Most Christian women are looking for their purpose in entirely the wrong place.
We treat it like a treasure hunt. We fast and pray, journal and seek counsel, attend conferences and listen to podcasts, all in search of the answer — that one clear, divine directive that will finally tell us what we're supposed to do with our lives. And when the answer doesn't arrive in the form we expected, we assume we missed it.
Here's the thing we get wrong: we've confused purpose with assignment.
Purpose Is Who You Are. Assignment Is What You Do.
We've been taught to think of purpose as a job title from heaven — the specific role, ministry, or career track that God has assigned to us. But your purpose, at its deepest level, is not what you do. It is who you are.
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Notice the order: we are God's handiwork first — masterpieces, crafted with intention — and then we do good works that flow from that identity.
We've reversed the equation. We think that if we can just figure out the right works to do, we'll finally feel like the masterpiece. But Scripture says we already are the masterpiece. The works flow from there.
This is more than theology. Research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that individuals whose self-worth was contingent on external validation experienced significantly higher levels of stress hormones and reported lower life satisfaction. The performance treadmill is not just spiritually exhausting. It's physiologically damaging.
The Comparison Trap That Keeps You Stuck
When we're looking for purpose in what we do, we inevitably start comparing our what to everyone else's. Her ministry is bigger. Her platform is larger. Her calling looks more impressive.
In my book Beyond Rubies, I write about what I call "the Ruby Reflection" — the way we hold our lives up to the distorted mirror of culture, comparison, and achievement, and let that reflection define our worth. The Proverbs 31 woman is described as worth "far more than rubies" — but we can only receive that truth when we stop looking at ourselves through the world's lens and start seeing ourselves through God's.
God's mirror tells a different story. It says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are chosen, royal, holy, God's special possession (1 Peter 2:9). Nothing can separate you from the love that defines you (Romans 8:38–39).
What Happens When You Start Here
I saw this shift happen with a client I'll call Maria. She had been circling the same question for three years: "What is God calling me to do?" The answer felt elusive, and the waiting was filling her with shame.
In our coaching work together, we shifted the question. Instead of "What should I be doing?" we asked: "Who has God made me to be — and am I fully inhabiting that person?"
The answer came quickly once we stopped looking in the wrong direction. Maria wasn't someone who needed a new assignment. She needed to stop apologizing for the gift of encouragement God had already placed within her. Once she stopped waiting for permission to be herself, purpose didn't arrive from somewhere far away. It was already inside her, waiting to be released.
Three Questions to Reorient Your Search
1. Who does God say I am? Before any assignment comes identity. Spend time in Scripture not looking for what to do, but absorbing who God says you are.
2. What do I notice that others walk past? Your purpose is often hidden in your sensitivities, your passions, your indignation. What injustice makes your heart race? What conversation energizes you every time?
3. Am I doing this to prove my worth or express it? There is a profound difference between working from your identity and working for your identity. When you work from a secure sense of who God made you to be, your efforts carry a different quality — more sustainable, more joyful, and paradoxically, more fruitful.
You Are Not Behind
If you've been feeling like you're running late to your own destiny — like everyone else has figured out their purpose and you're still waiting at the starting line — I want you to hear this:
You are not behind. God doesn't operate on a timeline that requires you to have your calling figured out by thirty, or forty, or sixty. Your worth was established before your first achievement. Your purpose was designed before you drew your first breath.
He is patiently, lovingly present in every question, every season, and every circling. That is not wasted time. That is the work.